VALERIAN AND THE CITY OF A THOUSAND PLANETS review

VALERIAN AND THE CITY OF A THOUSAND PLANETS

starring Dane DeHaan and Cara Delevingne

directed by Luc Besson

A review by Helen J. Reynolds

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets has a well-thought out story, impressive special-effects and good acting, for the most part. So why do most reviewers predict a flop in the making? Well, probably because, despite Luc Besson directing, this film is virtually unwatchable. You'd have to be a teenager or younger for it to hold interest and, even then, I’d wager most would tune out.

Valerian (Dane DeHaan) and Laureline (Cara Delevingne) are two agents on a mission to collect a creature that's the last of its kind. However, they aren’t the only ones after it. Their mission is part of a deep conspiracy, and Valerian’s strange dreams could be the key to understanding what’s really at stake.   

The universe looks spectacular and has details, but calling it ‘City of a Thousand Planets’ suggests a lot more effort into world-building than the movie gets. The focal civilisation (besides the humans) are just another rehash of Native American culture, alien-styled as though forgetting Avatar hit that market already (and then some). Costumes are pretty but lack variety – see Rihanna’s scene of multiple changing looks that really are just one look, and a cliché one at that. 

In fact, Rihanna’s character (an immigrant forced to work a strip bar) is a symptom of just how terrible a movie it is. There's an overly long scene of her pleasing Valerian with a dance, while her boss laughs at how unbelievably awesome this sexism is. The fact that Valerian looks about 14 years old is another matter, but what this scene does to the plot is even worse. Valerian was just recently saved by his partner Laureline, and because that showed her as the hero and not him, she was instantly captured in a plot device solely made so that he could rescue her. It even involves an alien/troll forcing her into a wedding dress as though this was an 80s Indiana Jones movie. And while Laureline used her brains and skills to save Valerian, in his rescue plan, he has the luxury to enjoy some male voyeurism while he seeks a shape-shifting alien to use as disguise.

Just why Laureline is ranked below Valerian is not made clear either. She has a better understanding of technology, works well with others and is as equally fast-thinking and reckless in action sequences as he is. The comic series this movie is based on is titled “Valerian and Laureline,” so it actually makes little sense for Valerian to take the lead.

They do really try to angle Valerian as some sort of mini-Bond with an absurdly long list of female conquests. Although DeHaan is not unattractive, it certainly wasn’t a great idea to cast him next to a model. Pale and nerdishly skinny with a boyish face – he isn’t quite the teen equivalent of 007.

Ultimately, the actors do what they can but there’s very little believability in their roles. Valerian and Laureline are not a realistic couple, and the idea of teenagers being 'super spies' for the military doesn’t seem vaguely plausible. Especially when they often luck their way out of things and are too arrogant to even read a memo before going on a mission. Within the first few minutes of being introduced to the leads, it’s hard to find them anything but instantly unlikeable, and the same goes for the movie.  

A combination of:

Avatar (2009)

Casino Royale (2006)

Spy Kids (2001)